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August 2nd, 2005

09:21 am - restless dream.....? ::makes way across own quarters, still limping using cane:: ::sits in chair, positioned by viewport, looks out at the stars:: ::work fingers of left hand slowly just like was instructed by Phlox:: ( computer, personal log ) ::sits quietly for a long time, then gathers self up and limps over to bed sitting on the edge:: Sometimes Henry I want to blame you for this mess.....but then I realize it wasn't your fault. I didn't do anything I didn't want to do....and there was no way I could have lived my life without you in it after we met. You were it for me Henry Archer. I just wish....... ::shuts mouth, thoughts too painful to voice anymore, lays down on side, drifting off into sleep:: Current Mood: crushed Current Music: To Where You Are - Josh Groban

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April 3rd, 2005

04:39 pm - Clearing up loose ends ::in gym following therapy regimen prescribed by Phlox:: ::rest of gym is empty, choosing middle of the night cycle to work to lessen chance of being watched by crew:: ::hears door open, curses under breath thinking a crewmember has entered:: ::concentrates on leg exercises, lifting leg against the weights:: Current Mood: cranky

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February 21st, 2005

11:17 pm - somewhere out there.... ( ::eyes closed...heart beating steadily....respirations even and unlabored:: ) Current Mood: distressed Current Music: Somewhere Out There - Fievel

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February 10th, 2005

09:35 am - Enters quarters... :Not long after discussing things with Archer:: ::Then shortly after running into Rostov:: ::enters quarters, stops and looks around room, headache still throbbing, moves to bathroom, stumbles in threshold banging against wall:: Dammit! ::uses the facilities, washes up and makes way over to replicator in corner:: I'll just fix me a drink and try to relax...maybe this headache will ease up then. With that confrontation with Jon and the hangover...not surprising. ::keys in code for drink:: ::nothing happens:: ::tries again:: ::nothing:: ::attempts to examine the replicator to determine the problem:: Tanner....you dirty..rotten....DAMN! ::slams hand down on machine:: Locked me out of the damn thing did you? ::seethes, picks up replicator and lifts it up ready to smash on the floor...furious at Tanner for blocking him from using it, pauses...realizing this is the only one they have:: ::sits it back down....runs hand across head holding it.....closes eyes......lips tighten in a thin line...headache intensifies to an unbearable level.....turns around suddenly grabbing chair and smashes it against the bulkhead:: AAARRRGGGHHHH! ::stares at the broken chair crumbled on the floor:: ::head reels as a wave of nausea erupts from gut, tries to rush into bathroom again, dizzy and sick, all but falls head first against the steel toilet bowl using it immediately until stomach is empty of all contents:: ::pulls self up to sink and washes face, rinsing mouth out in the process:: ::staggers across room and topples onto bed:: ::falls asleep before can replay in mind what just happened:: Current Mood: sick

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February 7th, 2005

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February 6th, 2005

10:16 am - aftermath....... OOC:after this scene..... ::sits and stares at closed door for what seems like hours....actually only a few minutes:: What the hell did I just do? Am I trying to wreck my own career...or just my life all together? ::drops head into hands and begins to shake...emotions boiling to the surface....grief...anger....despair....:: ... ... *an hour passes* ::finally lifts head and makes way to bathroom, splashes water on face, revealing red rimmed eyes, blows nose on tissue, looking long at self in the mirror:: Dear god what if he decides to press charges.....I never meant to..it was unintentional.....a stupid mistake from a lonely drunken fool who hasn't touched another person in that way in almost ten years....not since....Henry. ::rubs hand over face, going back into main living area:: ::stands in middle of room looking for something...anything...feels afloat...lost in a raging sea of needs....losses.....:: ::spies the picture of Porthos...the first one he and Henry did together, reaches out grabbing it off wall, clutching it to his chest as if an anchor, walks over and collapses on bed, still dressed:: ::sobs in pillow:: Oh God....I wish I were dead. ::passes out:: Current Mood: crushed

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January 18th, 2005

06:08 pm - Plowed over by a speeding comet..... ::after talking to Secorro:: ::finally gets up from couch, leaving the bottle and glass behind...taking the PADD with Henry's pictures in it:: ::makes way down corridors, into lift, heading toward quarters...slowly:: ::enters own quarters, looks around, sees a light on terminal blinking, moves over to activate it, reads Jon's message saying he was taking the twins to Phlox:: Jon, please......don't do this.......... ::rubs hand over face, realizes needs a shower and food:: Hopefully this is just for today....I promised Henry we'd draw today. Charlotte wanted to go to the playset. ::reads daily logs of ships status:: Elephant......party.....well this is just dandy.......Best in Starfleet eh? SHIT...and Foster discovered this? Well well....you may have attained more than just your old man's gift for smoozing Simon.....unfuckingbelievable. ::gets up and undresses, throwing clothes roughly into the laundry container, showers and redresses in uniform:: ::glares around room, head still pounding from hangover, heart still hurting from last night's argument with Jon:: ::exits quarters, heading out to captain's mess for some food......then.......:: Time to get this ship back on track Captain...... Current Mood: enraged

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December 25th, 2004

02:38 pm - Tucking in the twins.... immediately after this ::enters jonathan_archer's quarters with Henry and Charlotte:: ::chuckles as Porthos hops up and rushes over to greet all three of them, following Henry to his room:: OK kids, let's get into your PJs and Grandpa Max will cue up a few vids to watch until bedtime. ::activates vid screen, calling up preprogrammed selection of shows:: "Frosty The Snowman" "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer" "How The Grinch Stole Christmas" "The Little Drummer Boy" ::to self:: That should be plenty. ::turns as both children run back into main room of quarters with Porthos happily barking and jumping at their heels:: ::inspects their appearance, eyebrow raised in amusement:: Henry, your bottoms are on backwards son, Let's try again. ::helps Henry adjust PJ bottoms:: Hop up on your Papa's bed. I've got some fun shows for you to watch, traditional christmas shows. ::settles self at head of bed allowing Henry and Charlotte to clamber up and situate themselves with him. Porthos hopping up and crawling on belly until is as tight against Henry as can get:: OK guys, let's enjoy the vids. ::leans back, takes in current surroundings and realizes is enjoying what is doing, smiles:: Good lord Max, a few months ago you'd have never imagined yourself in this type setting, now you're practically basking in it. ::triggers remote for first show to begin:: Current Mood: content Current Music: Frosty the Snowman

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December 1st, 2004

11:22 am Your LJ Christmas Party by cerulean_dreams Username First to arrive _quartermaster_ Made a snowman with a strategically placed carrot _baird_ Stuck a Candy Cane down their pants _chef_ Spiked the eggnog _chang_ Knocked over the Christmas Tree ruby602 Was ran over by Santa's sleigh reg_barclay Was poisoned after they consumed a poinsettia mal_reed Dressed up as Santa soval Kissed you Under the Mistletoe ensignsato Quiz created with MemeGen! Current Mood: melancholy

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November 27th, 2004

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October 5th, 2004

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September 29th, 2004

09:00 am - A quiet conversation ::enters quarters and looks around at the state of disarray it had been left in:: ::moves methodically around quarters picking up toys:: ::bends over and picks up colors..cowrers..heh, from playpen and places them back in the container, carrying the paper and crayons over to his desk he places them next to the stack of PADDs. A particular one teeters on the top of the stack causing Max to reach out and grab it quickly. He notices it is the PADD with the pictures that he had shown Henry and Jon.:: ::Henry Archer's face peers up at him:: Oh Henry, how I wish you were here with me. You have a fine legacy coming up behind you. Your granddaughter is very lovely. a quiet yet headstrong little lamb. Stubborn as you and her dada. Poor child never had a chance. She's smart as a whip, they both are, but she has a calculation to her actions. She has Jon wrapped around her little finger, and I'll admit.....I find it hard to resist her wiles myself. ::smiles as lifts up picture of Porthos, attaching it to the wall beside his desk:: Your namesake on the other hand........precocious doesn't even begin to describe him, yet so joyful and adventurous. He has your eyes my beloved, your sense of humor I think. To say I adore him.......well he is such a special little fella. ::has finished putting things away and goes to stand beside the viewport, left arm propped against sill of viewport:: Jon is doing a fine job with them my love. You and your wife raised him well. ::takes a deep breath and exhales:: I am thankful I was dumped on the Enterprise by that fluke PIF. Witnessing your grandchildren grow allows me a bit of self indulgence to imagine I'm doing exactly what we would have done if you were still alive. Two doting grandfathers, playing, teaching, telling old stories. ::shakes head slowly:: I'm trying to be what you should have been to them. My hope is that eventually I will be able and have the courage to tell Jonathan about us. I know it was in our plans....until you were taken from us so unexpectantly. I miss you my love, so bad it hurts physically, even after all these years. Standing in as grandpa is something I do for you as well as them. They will know who you were and what you accomplished. They will also know how dearly you would have loved them. That's my promise Henry. I'll always love you Henry Archer.......til the day I die. ::wipes single tear as it falls down cheek:: ::pulls self away from viewport and returns to desk picking up another PADD of official reports going to Starfleet:: ::involves self in work:: Current Mood: melancholy Current Music: You Raise Me Up ---Josh Groban

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August 7th, 2004

10:49 pm - How the hell? ::sits in quarters with Charlotte and Henry as they play quietly with each other for once:: ::thinks about last conversation with jonathan_archer as he returned the children:: So this is what I'm most needed for at this time in the universe? A high ranking Starfleet officer....babysitter......... ::watches as Henry glances around and smiles at self then turns his head with a gut wrenching sigh to see out of the viewport:: Jonathan said you were not taking things well, don't worry kid...heh...I'm not either. ::suddenly feels the ship lurch....aware it is signs of a firefight:: ::both children freeze momentarily then look to Max:: ::goes down onto floor next to them gathering them in his arms...holding them, comforting them, unsure of exactly what is going on...almost contacts the bridge to ask:: Not a good idea Max...they don't need to deal with you if they are fighting to keep us all alive. ::is definitely frightened himself, knows the kids must be terrified, never has been anywhere near a combat situation himself.....ever...:: ::suddenly during a brief lull Henry lunges from grasp, heading toward door to quarters:: PAPA!....DADA!..... ::Charlotte looks wide-eyed from her brother to Max...as she whimpers:: Henry! come here fella. Your papa is busy, he wants you here with me..wants you safe...... ::leans forward on knees to rein Henry in:: Current Mood: scared

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July 14th, 2004

10:41 am - it's one of those weeks...... ::has been sitting in quarters ever since Captain Archer escorted him here yesterday:: I can't believe he just dumped me here and left. I need to get back to Starfleet headquarters. ::paces around room:: Does he think I don't have my own duties to attend to? He hasn't even given me access to a terminal yet. ::suddenly is jolted from inner brooding as ship feels different, looks out of viewport sees...another........Enterprise?:: What the hell? Is this the one Archer talked about in his reports? ::attempts to contact the bridge for a status report, but gets brushed off tactfully by Sato:: ::has fumed and fretted for a few hours...no information...no contact:: ::isn't certain how to proceed. Is not his command, doesn't have experience in these matters or in space travel at all, does have enough sense to acknowledge would probably be more in the way than helpful at this point. Has confidence Jon can handle this......just feels useless:: Current Mood: restless

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June 11th, 2004

11:00 pm - Memories bombard at times ::seated in his office at Starfleet:: ::reads over latest reports from The Enterprise:: This is quite a backlog, I'm glad Jonathan and his crew aren't aware of the problems we are having getting these reports. ::scans each report briefly:: PIFs....torture......recovering........shields?.........amazing they have been bombarded with things they were never trained to handle. Pregnancy?........Who the hell this time.......Reed? The armory officer? ... Twins.......Charlotte, a girl and ....Henry, a boy........Wha?.......Jonathan, I had no idea you....... ::runs hand down face::shakes head:: Jonathan a father. Very unconventional way for it to happen but I bet he is just as good a father to them as Henry was to him. I remember the first time I met him. He seemed so young, still very close to his father then. They always had a very special relationship. ( First Meetings ) I better contact Enterprise directly about these new developments, and soon. Current Mood: shocked

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January 31st, 2004

02:10 pm - A Perfect Day Still reminiscing from here...... ( A Perfect Day ) (OOC: special thanks to cedara and xandri) Current Mood: contemplative Current Music: A Perfect Day - Clay Aiken

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January 13th, 2004

05:45 pm - Your Just To Good To Be true :Arrives at home and fixes evening meal:: ::sits at table alone and eats:: ::finishes and takes dishes to kitchen and washes everything, leaving the kitchen immaculately clean:: ::wanders through empty apartment, finally settling into large comfy recliner:: ::picks up new book and starts to read:: ::mind begins to wander thinking of Enterprise and Jonathan Archer:: Thinking of Jon always leads me around to thinking about Henry. I don't need to go there. Not tonight. I've thought of him entirely to much lately. Heh lately? Who am I kidding? There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of him at some point. I keep saying I should tell Jon about us. How much we meant to each other. I'm sure Jon would understand. But how do I begin? ........::laughs to self:: The beginning is always a good place. ( Remembers...... ) Current Mood: nostalgic Current Music: Can't Take My Eyes Off of You

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05:45 pm ::sitting in his office wading through more and more paperwork on the NX-02:: It should be ready in a few more months. Maybe by then Enterprise will have this Xindi mess cleared up and both ships will be able to do what they were designed to do...explore. ::comm chirps::presses button:: Yes Lt.? Sir, we have just started getting several reports from Enterprise. Do you want me to upload them to your terminal? ::inaudible sigh:: Not tonight Lt. I think it's a little late to be starting on those now. Just have them transferred to a seperate file marked for MY EYES ONLY. Understood? Aye sir. Understood. See you in the morning sir. Yes Lt. I'll see you then. Have a good evening. Forrest out. ::turns off comm:: ::gets up and leaves office for home:: Current Mood: tired Current Music: Memories

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January 8th, 2004

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December 22nd, 2003

12:19 am - Song in Max's head..... ( To Where You Are ) Current Mood: lonely Current Music: Josh Groban _ To Where You Are

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